Back Online

Hello, my faithful readers! (Yes, both of you.)

I’d like to apologize for my lack of posts in recent months – I’ve been caught up with all that stuff known as “life.” But I’m back on the blog, and I’d like to present a new edition of Manhattan Madness!

People Who Walk Their Birds

People in New York do all sorts of crazy things with their pets. I saw a dog riding a motorcycle with his owner on 5th Avenue the other day…and the dog was wearing sunglasses. I saw a man on 14th Street with his cat standing on his hat. But perhaps nothing strikes me as quite so odd at a glance as seeing people walking down the street with their pet birds on their shoulders.

Had I only seen it once, I’d assume it was a single individual a few cashews short of a mixed nut bowl.

(Mmm…mixed nuts.)

But I’ve seen it four or five times now, on separate occasions. The bird-walkers seem to favor the walkway that runs between the Hudson River and the West Side highway. Why this is, I don’t know; perhaps people on the East Side prefer to bring their birds to the gym and walk them on treadmills.

And these are big birds, too. I’ve seen a couple cockatoos, but the most impressive avian I’ve seen riding its owner’s shoulder has to be a Hyacinth Macaw parrot, as seen below. 

These rare birds are found in the rainforests of South America and on the shoulders of assholes from Tribeca.

Just for the record, the Hyacinth Macaw is the largest parrot;  it can grow almost three and a half feet long, weigh nearly five pounds. and run about $10,000 each. They’re also endangered, mostly due to – surprise! – people who capture them and send them to other people who want the birds in their apartments.

Then these people turn around and take their birds for a walk. Probably so they can get some “fresh air.” Because the air in the Amazon is so much dirtier than New York’s.

In other words, if you ever see a man walking down the street with a macaw on his shoulder, see if you can get it to crap on him. Because he’s a goddamn idiot.

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