Here’s a section I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. Now, I was brought up to be kind to everyone, respect everyone’s opinion, and not judge others. And I have tried to live my life to those ideals. I continue to try to do so.
But goddamnit, some things just really piss me off.
So, for no particular reason, here’s a brief list of things pissing me off right now:
1. People who hate Bon Jovi. Look, I know Jon Bon isn’t the greatest musician in the history of mankind. He’s not the greatest musician to come from New Jersey. Depending on who you ask, he may not even be the greatest musician on the Star Wars Christmas Album. (Oh, it exists.) But you look me in the eyes and tell me your foot doesn’t tap during “It’s My Life.”
2. The hours at Citibank. Only open until 4 p.m.? What is this, 1988? And don’t give me that “they’re open until 6 on Thursday” crap. When do most people get paid? Friday. And what time does Citibank close on Friday? 4 p.m. Getting that check in the bank Friday night is damn important – what, you think I’m gonna dip into my savings for my weekly date with Eliot Spitzer’s hook-, er, girlfriend? Commerce Bank has the decency of being open until 8 – and they’re open 7 days a week. Man up, Citibank! I didn’t take out an ungodly large college loan with you for you to jerk me around on the small stuff!
3. The fact that the iPhone only works on AT&T. I understand that AT&T supposedly has the most subscribers of any cell phone company in the United States, so it’s a logical choice if you want to unveil your earth-shattering new phone/iPod/video player/web-surfer/back-scratcher/miniature Transformer assassin. But why choose to unveil it on only one network? You think T-Mobile customers aren’t smart enough to operate the iPhone? (Okay, bad example.) But even beyond that, why did you have to stick it with the carrier that DOESN’T HAVE ANY COVERAGE IN VERMONT?!?
Do you see all those wavy lines over Vermont? Those are “partner networks,” according to AT&T’s website. But also according to AT&T, the iPhone can only operate on partner networks 40 percent of the time, or else the company can cancel your service. So in effect, AT&T has banned the iPhone from Vermont. What the hell is with that? Do they have a problem with maple syrup? Do they own Aunt Jemima or something?
4. Gossip Girl. Let’s see, what are the things I don’t want to see when I turn on the tube. Snotty rich kids who have no idea how good they have it? Check. Unnecessary, pointless drama? Check. The latest “hit show?” Check. Instant-message lingo? Big check. Sadly, the CW’s new television show – a drama about wealthy pricks and princesses who attend private school between giving head to Abercrombie and/or Fitch and texting their friends about it – is exactly that. Worse, since it’s the new “big thing,” there are ads for it EVERYWHERE – on buses, on buildings, even on the bottom of the screen when I watch “Smallville.”
But that’s not enough, is it? No, they had to go and piss me off more. They had to get my city involved. Bad enough it takes place in New York. Then I saw this at Whole Foods.
And to cap it all off, apparently the show has begun letting its characters swear and bleeping it out. Now, I would applaud this under any other circumstances – swear words, like any other, are only harmful depending on their context, and it seems to me if someone is old enough to see two people fuck in that compromised, half-covered way, they should be old enough to hear someone say “fuck” in that compromised, half-covered way. But to have this show be the trendsetter?
This show, where trying to watch it makes me feel like Luke Skywalker in the Death Star’s trash compactor, covered in slime with the walls closing in?
