Things That Piss Me Off

Here’s a section I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. Now, I was brought up to be kind to everyone, respect everyone’s opinion, and not judge others. And I have tried to live my life to those ideals. I continue to try to do so.

But goddamnit, some things just really piss me off.

So, for no particular reason, here’s a brief list of things pissing me off right now:

1. People who hate Bon Jovi. Look, I know Jon Bon isn’t the greatest musician in the history of mankind. He’s not the greatest musician to come from New Jersey. Depending on who you ask, he may not even be the greatest musician on the Star Wars Christmas Album. (Oh, it exists.) But you look me in the eyes and tell me your foot doesn’t tap during “It’s My Life.”

2. The hours at Citibank. Only open until 4 p.m.? What is this, 1988? And don’t give me that “they’re open until 6 on Thursday” crap. When do most people get paid? Friday. And what time does Citibank close on Friday? 4 p.m. Getting that check in the bank Friday night is damn important - what, you think I’m gonna dip into my savings for my weekly date with Eliot Spitzer’s hook-, er, girlfriend? Commerce Bank has the decency of being open until 8 - and they’re open 7 days a week. Man up, Citibank! I didn’t take out an ungodly large college loan with you for you to jerk me around on the small stuff!

3. The fact that the iPhone only works on AT&T. I understand that AT&T supposedly has the most subscribers of any cell phone company in the United States, so it’s a logical choice if you want to unveil your earth-shattering new phone/iPod/video player/web-surfer/back-scratcher/miniature Transformer assassin. But why choose to unveil it on only one network? You think T-Mobile customers aren’t smart enough to operate the iPhone? (Okay, bad example.) But even beyond that, why did you have to stick it with the carrier that DOESN’T HAVE ANY COVERAGE IN VERMONT?!?

Do you see all those wavy lines over Vermont? Those are “partner networks,” according to AT&T’s website. But also according to AT&T, the iPhone can only operate on partner networks 40 percent of the time, or else the company can cancel your service. So in effect, AT&T has banned the iPhone from Vermont. What the hell is with that? Do they have a problem with maple syrup? Do they own Aunt Jemima or something?

4. Gossip Girl. Let’s see, what are the things I don’t want to see when I turn on the tube. Snotty rich kids who have no idea how good they have it? Check. Unnecessary, pointless drama? Check. The latest “hit show?” Check. Instant-message lingo? Big check. Sadly, the CW’s new television show - a drama about wealthy pricks and princesses who attend private school between giving head to Abercrombie and/or Fitch and texting their friends about it - is exactly that. Worse, since it’s the new “big thing,” there are ads for it EVERYWHERE - on buses, on buildings, even on the bottom of the screen when I watch “Smallville.”

But that’s not enough, is it? No, they had to go and piss me off more. They had to get my city involved. Bad enough it takes place in New York. Then I saw this at Whole Foods.

And to cap it all off, apparently the show has begun letting its characters swear and bleeping it out. Now, I would applaud this under any other circumstances - swear words, like any other, are only harmful depending on their context, and it seems to me if someone is old enough to see two people fuck in that compromised, half-covered way, they should be old enough to hear someone say “fuck” in that compromised, half-covered way. But to have this show be the trendsetter?

This show, where trying to watch it makes me feel like Luke Skywalker in the Death Star’s trash compactor, covered in slime with the walls closing in?

Back Online

Hello, my faithful readers! (Yes, both of you.)

I’d like to apologize for my lack of posts in recent months - I’ve been caught up with all that stuff known as “life.” But I’m back on the blog, and I’d like to present a new edition of Manhattan Madness!

People Who Walk Their Birds

People in New York do all sorts of crazy things with their pets. I saw a dog riding a motorcycle with his owner on 5th Avenue the other day…and the dog was wearing sunglasses. I saw a man on 14th Street with his cat standing on his hat. But perhaps nothing strikes me as quite so odd at a glance as seeing people walking down the street with their pet birds on their shoulders.

Had I only seen it once, I’d assume it was a single individual a few cashews short of a mixed nut bowl.

(Mmm…mixed nuts.)

But I’ve seen it four or five times now, on separate occasions. The bird-walkers seem to favor the walkway that runs between the Hudson River and the West Side highway. Why this is, I don’t know; perhaps people on the East Side prefer to bring their birds to the gym and walk them on treadmills.

And these are big birds, too. I’ve seen a couple cockatoos, but the most impressive avian I’ve seen riding its owner’s shoulder has to be a Hyacinth Macaw parrot, as seen below. 

Just for the record, the Hyacinth Macaw is the largest parrot;  it can grow almost three and a half feet long, weigh nearly five pounds. and run about $10,000 each. They’re also endangered, mostly due to - surprise! - people who capture them and send them to other people who want the birds in their apartments.

Then these people turn around and take their birds for a walk. Probably so they can get some “fresh air.” Because the air in the Amazon is so much dirtier than New York’s.

In other words, if you ever see a man walking down the street with a macaw on his shoulder, see if you can get it to crap on him. Because he’s a goddamn idiot.

Super Bowl Ads!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you… the Best 10 Advertisements of Super Bowl XLII! As chosen by me.

10. PepsiStuff.com - Justin Timberlake 

I think we can all agree - any time we see Justin Timberlake get hit in the crotch is a good time. Plus, Andy Samberg in drag. 

9. Hyundai - “Twist” 

Hyundai’s threatening to do to the luxury car market what Lexus did 20 years ago. Can it do it? My money says they’re gonna do better than you might think. I don’t know if this ad will win any sudden converts, but if people are smart, they’ll listen.


8. Audi - “Godfather”

Cadillac enthusiasts be warned: if you don’t trade in your old cars now, the R8 will slice their grilles off and leave them in your bed. Kind of stupid ad, to be honest, only saved by that last few seconds of the car itself - which is smokin’.  

7. Bud Light - “Fire”

I hate when that happens. 

6. Diet Pepsi Max - “What is Love”

First Robert Goulet last year, now the Roxbury boys - not to mention the Semi-Pro ads. Fuck Tom Brady - Will Ferrell’s leaving a more impressive Super Bowl legacy than anybody right now. 

5. Bridgestone - “Unexpected Obstacles”

Hey, that’s what I’d do. 

4. Doritos - “Mouse Trap”

I believe this is what the kids today refer to as “pwned.”  

3. FedEx - “Pigeons”

This ad was supposed to air months ago, but Sony made them hold it back until the Super Bowl because it would have given away “Cloverfield.” 

2. Coca-Cola - “It’s Mine”

The best “touchy-feely” ad of the bunch. I was half-expecting an 80-foot Lucy to come out at the last second and  swipe up the bottle, but I’m glad penultimate loser Charlie Brown finally wins. (Also, if Charlie Brown’s a balloon, how often does he get himself caught in a tree? Just a thought.) 

1. (tie) Bud Light - “Jackie Moon”

I don’t care if he’s playing the same character in every movie. Put this man in front of a camera, and he will make you laugh. (Also, see more unused footage below

1. (tie) Paramount Pictures - “Iron Man Superbowl Spot”

 

This movie makes me want to vote Republican. And I haven’t even seen it yet.

I apologize for not always having the correct names for the advertisements – when I couldn’t find the name, I provided the best descriptor I could, so it should be easy to find if you desire.

Super Bowl!

The New York Giants routed the New England Patriots, 17-14, in Arizona during Sunday’s Super Bowl XLII, with a literal last-minute touchdown that ended the Patriots’ hopes of an undefeated season.

Giants’ quarterback Eli Manning, also known as the “Little Giant,” was awarded the Most Valuable Player award (as well as the first Cadillac Escalade Hybrid) for leading his team, considered the underdogs by most observers, to victory. New Yorkers reacted euphorically to the win.

Whoops of joy echoed from streets, fire escapes and rooftops across Manhattan. A crowd of nearly a thousand people spontaneously assembled in Union Square to celebrate; revelers stripped off their shirts and danced in the 40-degree night air, while other let out cries of “Boston sucks!” and “Fuck the Red Sox!”

At one point, the crowd overwhelmed a garbage truck stopped at the foot of the square and began climbing over it as the driver laid on the air horn for several continuous minutes.

Eventually, police arrived and broke up the spontaneous party, arresting several.

Megan Cruz contributed reporting to this article. 

Manhattan Madness - Thug Pugs

Returning to New York City means a return to the unusual, inexplicable and sometimes just insane events that seem to plague (or bless) this town. And thank God for it, because life is just too normal without one’s daily dose of bizarre moments.

So, for this segment of “Manhattan Madness,” we’ll be taking a look at:

DOGS WITH HOODIES

Canine overcoats aren’t exactly a new idea. Even in more “normal” parts of the country (I’m looking at you, Minnesota), people are choosing to dress their dogs in outerwear designed to shield them from the elements. In some cases, it does make sense; while a golden retriever is pretty well insulated against most winter weather, for the average Chihuahua, the winter wind that whips through the concrete canyons is as brutal as it would be for the average streaker.

But in a move that threatens to destroy any tenuous credibility the puppy parka had, more and more dogs are showing up wearing jackets and sweatshirts with hoods attached.

In case you hadn’t figured it out yet, dogs cannot wear hoods.

Even if the hood were stretchy or baggy enough to encircle the dog’s head, it would cover their eyes, ears and nose, leaving them entirely dependent on their owners to guide them. I pray I never see a guide dog wearing one.

One down, 49 to go

In an interesting turn of events, Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee plowed their way to victory in the Iowa caucus on January 3rd.

This means that, finally, the press has something to actually report on in a presidential candidate so long, the newspaper coverage of it could be used to blot up the Atlantic Ocean.

I’m surprised to find myself rather happy about Obama’s victory. Unlike many of my peers, I wasn’t particularly gung-ho about Mr. Obama - my biggest complaint is his lack of experience - but from what I’ve heard in the few days, he sounds like he just might be the candidate for me. I don’t know too much about what his official policies on the issues are, but at this point, he seems like he’s offering the one thing I believe America needs more than anything at this point:

Hope. 

This country needs hope. Eight years of a fraudulently elected president. Seven years of terrorism hanging over our heads like the sword of Damocles. Seven years of civil liberties being torn away from us. Years of watching so many things we hold dear as a nation being tossed aside while being offered the barest excuse. Once upon a time, not too long ago, Americans could always take heart in the fact that we usually held the moral high ground: while we certainly made mistakes, we always acted with the best intentions for everyone. We lived in hope, not fear.

Tapping people’s phones without a reason or warrant is not living in hope. 

Imprisoning people indefinitely without trial is not living in hope.

Lying to the populace about the reason for war is not living in hope.

Letting thousands of people drown in their homes while the government sits on its hands is not living in hope.

In fact, there is effectively nothing this  administration has done in the last eight years that deals in hope. George W. Bush, the Republicans, hell, just the government in general has made a policy of dealing in fear. 

And I think we may just be sick of it.

No one wants to live in fear. People want to believe their government is watching out for them, not stalking them. People want hope.

And I think that may be just what Barack Obama has on tap. And that’s why I think a two-year veteran of the U.S. Senate has a solid shot at becoming the first black President of the United States.

I may well be proven wrong. After all, Iowa is only one state out of 50. The next few months may find people swinging back towards the old way of politics. We may well end up with Hillary Clinton facing off against Mitt Romney on the first Tuesday of November this year. After all, we all know politics often tears the optimistic apart and forces the voters to choose between a giant douche and a turd sandwich.

But for now, in this moment, we have hope.

Here’s to hope. 

Top Stories of 2007!

With the end of the year comes the usual round up of top ten lists, and among the 10 Best Cars, Movies, Songs, and Crappiest Science Job Lists comes the Associated Press’s Top Stories of the Year. It’s an idea crafted, no doubt, out of the noblest journalistic ideals – the opportunity to write an incredibly easy “news story” about things people already know all about, while simultaneously writing about one’s self. Real important.

This year’s top stories were, in order of the AP’s ranking:

1. The Virginia Tech massacre – 32 people gunned down by a mentally deranged student.

2. The mortgage crisis – the housing market hit a slump so big, you’d think it must have given up juicing. (But it hurt big banks hard, which makes me happy. Call me selfish, but anytime I hear CitiBank is on the skids, I start praying they go under so I don’t have to pay back my college loans.)

3. The Iraq War – while Dubya’s “surge” seemed to reduce violence in the country, the country remains mired in political sewage. Oh, and thousands of people died. Again.

4. Oil Prices Skyrocketed – at one point, brushing $100/barrel. Gas now costs almost half of what Europeans pay. (!) Amazingly, it seems to have actually caused Congress to get off its collective ass and pass a law forcing automakers to boost their vehicles’ overall fuel economy by 10 miles per gallon by 2020.

5. Chinese Exports Recalled – the Chinese are trying to kill our pets and children. (What, 1.5 billion to 300 million not a big enough advantage for you?)

6. Global Warming – There are now only about twelve people left on Earth who still don’t believe global warming is real. Also, Al Gore won both an Academy Award and a Nobel Peace Prize for this. All he must do to fulfill the prophesy now is kill ManBearPig, and the last seven years will be erased.

7. Minneapolis Bridge Collapse – 13 people died and 100 were injured when a section of I-35 fell gave way. Once again, the Justice League did not respond in time.

8. Presidential Campaign – you know what, no, AP. No more. We are all so freaking sick and tired of this shit…I mean, can’t we just have one week…one day where we don’t have to hear about this? Please? I mean, this thing’s already been going for over a year, and we’ve still got eleven months to go…I’d vote for a chimp at this point if it meant this would be over…or worse, Mitt Romney…

9. Immigration Debate – rich white people feel threatened by poor Hispanic families. Also, we continue to chip away at the principles upon which the country was founded. Apparently whatever’s cooking in the melting pot doesn’t involve beans.

10. Iran’s Nuclear Program – Bush says they want nukes. Mahmoud says they don’t. CIA says they haven’t been trying to build them since 2003. Analysts suspect Dubya wants Iran because he’s been trying to win an incomplete game of Tic-Tac-Toe started by Clinton on a map of the Middle East.

But you know what? I’m not very impressed. Anyone can barf back up the news they’ve been fed over the year and sort through it for the most interesting chunks. (Disgusted yet?) It takes a real man to guess the events that will be in the news this time next year. So, coming up next: the Top 10 events of 2008, one year early. Tune in if you want to know who wins the presidency, what celebrity hijacks a train filled with nuclear waste (and which celebrity stops them from killing all of Los Angeles!), how to defeat the Martian invaders, and why you should get your fill of tonic water now…before it’s outlawed forever.

Changing the world, one ignition at a time

Not five minutes ago, I stepped outside to take my dog into the snow for a pee break. (Him, not me.)

As soon as I stepped outside my front door, though, I was hit by a wave of nose-crinkling exhaust fumes generated by the car of our tenant. It was idling, unmanned, in my driveway, ostensibly warming up.

And it really pissed me off.

In this day and age, when global warming is such an important and well-known issue, it just seems irresponsible to turn on the car a few minutes early and let it pump pollutants into the atmosphere just to spare the driver the discomfort of having to drive with his gloves on for, gosh, as much as five minutes!

Perhaps if it was below zero, as it was a couple mornings ago, I could understand. I had to drive under such conditions, and it took half an hour for the windshield to defrost well enough for me to see out without craning my neck. But it’s above freezing outside right now. This is balmy for Vermont. 

But what can an environmentally-conscious citizen do about it, I wondered? Well, the most direct action would be to just turn off the engine myself and go about my life. But I have no right to impose my beliefs on others, and besides, that would just be a dickish thing to do.

We could make it against the law to idle your car when no one is in it. It’s not unprecedented - they have similar regulations in Switzerland - and would probably do some good in urban areas. But then again, people in cities aren’t too likely to leave their cars running unmanned because someone could steal them. In rural areas such as my hometown, on the other hand, police come along so rarely it could literally be weeks before an idling car was spotted and ticketed.And speeding is outlawed, but last time I checked, that doesn’t erase the problem, now does it?

We could equip cars with monitors that don’t allow them to remain on for more than 60 seconds unless there’s someone in the driver’s seat. The technology exists - many cars already have sensors in the passenger seat that deactivate the passenger airbag unless the occupant is over a certain weight threshold. (Not that it does much good for all those fat kids…) It would be easy to hook a similar device to the engine’s computer. Long term, this might be the best step. But by the time it could be made into law (or the automakers otherwise convinced), we might well be running fuel cell cars that emit only delicious water vapor.

In the short term, though, the best course of action is probably saying something to the people who idle their cars. Odds are good most of them will listen. Our tenant is a very nice, reasonable man, and I’m sure he’d be willing to comply if we asked him not to pre-heat his engine except during exceptionally cold days. But therein lies the problem. People hate confrontation.

Case in point: after fuming about the exhaust for several minutes outside, I passed my tenant on my way back into the house. Nice guy he is, he asked if we needed anything at the supermarket. No, I said, but thanks for asking. And that was all I said. 

Reason To Believe

The crowd is getting restless. Many of them have been on their feet for two and a half hours by now, crammed together against one another. But none of them are angry. Annoyed, perhaps, but never mad. Not at him.

Suddenly, the room goes dark, and the people’s anxious murmuring instantly ramps up into a symphony of praise, whoops and screams of every human frequency. In the darkness, dark forms glide onto a raised platform. They move quietly, but they don’t need to - no stomping feet or creaky floorboard could be heard above the croud.

The black figures solemnly raise their tools to their arms, lock themselves into their places. Eleven thousand heartbeats hit the redline as, at the center of the proscenium, one of the men steps forward to a microphone.

He opens his mouth. Some in this room have waited their entire lives for this moment, just to hear this man’s voice, this man’s words with their very own ears. It doesn’t matter whether they understand his tongue. His messages are universal. 

And with a voice as famous as any, he asks one question. 

“Is there anybody alive out there?!?”

A shock wave of affirmation smashes across the hall as everyone replies in unison. In that moment, there is no fear, no pain, no war or hate or evil. Only joy. It is a moment none of those assembled will ever forget.

He asks the question once more. The roar that follows could topple the walls of Jericho.

Satisfied, he lifts his guitar, and magic flows from his fingers.

Any unexpected seismic activity in northern Italy on Wednesday, November 28th could be attributed to my presence at the Bruce Springsteen concert in Milan that night.

When my throat grew too hoarse to bellow, I pounded my palms to the E Street rhythm. When my hands grew too sore, I stomped my feet to the beat of Max Weinberg’s drums. For two and a half hours, I pumped my fists until my arms burned. Every second of it was pure bliss.

I came to Milan from Prague for one reason: as Bruce puts it in “Radio Nowhere,” I just wanted to hear some rhythm. My hopes were admittedly high; the single time I’d seen him in concert before, during the climactic Washington, D.C. show of his 2004 “Vote for Change” tour, I easily rank as one of the ten greatest experiences of my life. 

But that was a couple years ago, in a politically charged concert with 30,000 Americans, united by a desire to change the world - or at least, the tenant in the White House. We might not have given Dubya the boot, but for those seven hours (it was a very long show), it felt like the power of rock and roll could change the very course of history itself.

And the engine driving that crusade that night was Bruce.  He didn’t just sing - he preached, weaving messages of hope and power with messianic fervor between the verses. In the midst of one song, he slid on his knees 20 feet across a wooden stage. It was Springsteen with a purpose, burning hot with the fire of the American dream he’s come to symbolize. 

Three years later, I wasn’t expecting so much righteous fury. The show was in another country, the election was well past, and life had moved on. Still, I hoped there’d still be enough heat in the show to keep the memory alive.

I needn’t have worried. From the get-go, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band delivered everything I could have hoped for.

Interestingly, he didn’t play many of the hits from the era that initially raised him to the heights of popularity he’s reached today. Only a single song from Born in the U.S.A. was to be heard.

Instead, he mixed his newer songs with those from his earlier works. I wasn’t complaining. I’ve often preferred the more optimistic (though no less complex) songs from Springsteen’s earlier works. While Born in the U.S.A. will forever be a classic, I’ll wear out my copy of Born to Run well before I need to replace Bruce’s most famous album.

Unsurprisingly, given the nature of the artist, the concert was as much a commentary on the current state of America as the new album is. “Reason to Believe” did not follow “Magic” by coincidence. Instead, Bruce used the concert to show the world as he sees it: a leader who deceives his people, an unjust war that leaves people emotionally devastated, a nation adrift in apathy in spite of a million reasons not to be.

Perhaps it was these messages – so targeted towards the American land – that kept the Italian audience from reaching the level of enthusiasm I’d hoped for. While their love for the Boss was evident from the moment the gates opened and people sprinted to grab a spot by the stage, there were still quite a few people who remained seated throughout much, if not all, of the show.

(Many of them, in fact, were located in the “guests of the band” section with us. I may have accidentally kneed one unenthusiastic woman in the back a couple times.)

And despite Bruce’s best efforts to clarify the songs’ meanings to the Italian crowd –carefully reading from an Italian version of his usual explanation taped to the floor by his mike – the masses seemed more excited to raise the roof to “Badlands” than to grasp the subtleties of “Livin’ In the Future.”

But with Bruce, despair always comes hand in hand with hope, whether ironic or sincere. “She’s The One” and “I’ll Work For Your Love” spoke to the power of true romance. (“Any lovers out there?” Bruce asked before starting the latter.) “Girls In Their Summer Clothes” was pure old-fashioned Springsteen, celebrating the beauty of the middle of July in his native New Jersey.

Sadly, the concert didn’t feature any of the drawn-out pre-song soliloquies Bruce is known for (see the version of “The River” from the album Live 1975-1985 to see what I mean), perhaps as part of the measure to pare down the concerts from the marathon-length four-hour jam sessions they once were. But that’s understandable – after all, the entire band’s membership is now AARP eligible, and I’d rather see a shorter, tighter show than a drawn-out one.

While every song rocked the house, there were a few worth mentioning specifically. “Reason to Believe,” originally a quiet, acoustic reflection on humanity’s (seemingly foolhardy) optimism, was rebuilt into a rip-roarin’ badass rocker of a number with a George Thorogood beat. “She’s The One,” an underrated favorite of mine, was incredible to hear in concert. And “Last To Die,” a powerful song in its own right, hit ten times harder than it ever did on the album. Live, the song’s fury bursts free, revealing a heart shared with the greatest anti-war protest songs.

It was all I could have asked for.

The Magic tour will be traversing the U.S.A. again come this February for several months. Go. And you’ll find your own reason to believe.

Click a shutter, change the world

Just want to let all (three) of the readers know - my fall break post will be put up sooner or later – I promise. It may not be overly expansive, but there will be at least 500 words or so about what I did at the end of October (jeez, about a month ago) up soon.

On to newer things, then.

On November 12^th, a Czech photographer named Jan Sibik spoke to my travel writing class and showed us some pictures of the places he’s been. Now, considering he’s the preeminent war and tragedy photographer for Reflex (the Czech Republic’s version of Time), he’s pretty much seen it all.

The first place he told us about was North Korea, which he’s had the privelege of visiting not once but twice. What he said was incredible.

-Even in Pyongyang, electricity only works a couple hours a day. Each household is only allowed two lightbulbs, both of which must use less than 100 watts a day.

-All cell phones are collected by the police at the airport upon entering the country, even though there’s no cellular network in the country – the North Koreans are kept in the dark about what cell phones are by the government.

-Every visitor to the country is required to bring a gift to the Museum of Gifts in celebration of the nation’s former dictator Kim Il-sung and his son, Kim Jong-il. North Koreans often line up for hours to visit the museum just to see the acres of tribute laid there.

-Also, every visitor is required to lay flowers at a 225-foot statue of Kim Il-sung outside the national Communist headquarters.

-To own a radio in North Korea bestows a level of prestige similar to owning a private jet in America. The only way to get a radio is through 15 years of hard work for the Communist Party, at which point you are allowed to purchase a very tiny radio limited to three or four North Korean stations.

Next, he told us about his trips to Iraq. He visited the country not long after the U.S. invasion, in April 2003. To get into the country, he had to lie to a car rental agency in Kuwait about his plans then swap the plates on his SUV at the Iraqi border – then drive 800 km to Baghdad.

A feat, he said, that couldn’t be done today. Back then, Iraq was relatively ‘safe;’ today no foreigner would last a day outside without armed protection.

Four years ago, he said, Iraqis were welcoming in American troops “with open arms,” but after several years of the craptacular mismanagement of their country has left them bitter and angry. More and more of them are willing to kill themselves for their faith every day, he said.

Third on the list was Afghanistan. Sibik said the mission in the ‘stan was doing much more good for the people than the U.S.’s involvement in Iraq. Before the American invasion, many refugees slept in holes in the ground because they didn’t have houses anymore – and after 25 years of war, they didn’t see any purpose in rebuilding anymore.

But not everything America had done was for the best, he said, and any trouble usually boiled down to cultural differences the troops weren’t made aware of. He told a quick anecdote: after a wedding, the Afghanis celebrated (as is their custom) by firing large quantities of bullets into the air. However, an American helicopter was flying by this wedding reception and thought the Afghanis were attacking them – so they opened up with their weapons and killed 40 wedding goers.

Finally, he talked about Liberia. To hear him speak of it, the country is Lord of the Flies meets Thunderdome. Liberia has the second-highest concentration of diamonds in Africa, and is controlled by child armies – few older than 25, most much younger. These boy soldiers rule over the country through sheer terror.

For example, Sibik told us about one shop in Monrovia where the owner decided to stand up to the child soldiers. Normally, the children just walk into any store and take what they want, but in this case, the shop’s owner told them they had to pay for it.

So they shot him, stripped his body down to his underwear and dragged the corpse into the street.

Where it still lay several days later, when Sibik snapped a picture of it.

He showed us pictures of dead bodies being tossed into mass graves – the hospitals have to bury 60 to 70 people a day, and have nowhere else to put them.

He showed us pictures of people walking down the street past rotting bodies, their heads flayed, skulls blood-stained and bare.

He showed us pictures of men and boys, adults and children with limbs sliced from their bodies. In one image, a man held his 2-year-old daughter in his one remaining arm. She, too, was missing a limb from a machete’s bite.

Trash and human remains fill the streets, blood fills the gutters. I saw the pictures with my own eyes. I will never forget them.

People there sometimes drag the dead bodies of children in front of the American embassy in a vain cry for help from the U.S.A. Sibik said the boy soldiers there love America so much, 100 U.S. soldiers could probably make them lay down their arms through sheer respect. 100 soldiers.

He may well be overly optimistic. It might take 10,000, or 100,000 soldiers to set Liberia right. It’s not my place to decide, and to be frank, I’m glad the responsibility isn’t on me. To order hundreds of thousands of people to attack another country and kill people is something I don’t ever want to have to do.

But there must be some way of making things right in places like Liberia, Iraq, Afghanistan and North Korea.

I think that’s the ultimate reason I want to be a journalist. Because whether it’s the subjugation of an entire nation’s population or the story of a homeless veteran who doesn’t know where he’s getting his next meal, the best way to make change for the better in this world is to throw the will of the people into it. And to do that, they have to hear about it. They have to sympathize for those in need and be stirred to make things better.

That’s what I want to do.